Tag: success

Make Luck Your Bitch

“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever known someone with “bad luck”? I mean, real shit luck. The kind of person that can find the one dog turd in a park with his shoe? The kind of person that always gets gypped of the prize in the cereal box? The kind of person that never gets the promotion, can’t pay the bills, gets sick all the time, family won’t talk to them, has asshole kids, etc. This person’s perception becomes one of two things:

1) “There’s no point in trying, I just have shitty luck,”  which causes the person to never start.
2) “I will try, but nothing is ever going to happen,”  which causes the person to never finish.

In the immortal words of BJJ legend Kurt Osiander: “You fucked up a long time ago.”

In most cases, the way a person views his “luck” is a matter of perception. For a really fascinating read on this, check this study out: THE LUCK FACTOR. The summary of which is that there really is no such thing as “luck”. At least not as most people believe. Much of the good and bad luck we encounter is a result of our thoughts and behavior. Most importantly…sometimes shit just happens.

“Good luck” and “bad luck” are just ways to define the results (consequences) of our efforts. In everything you do, results correlate directly with hard work…or being lazy…both still yield a result.

“But wait, Ethan, I busted my ass and things are still fucked up?”

Yes, but did you get a RESULT from your effort? Just because it wasn’t the result you wanted, doesn’t mean it is negative. Did you learn something? Most likely. Was it helpful to you or someone else? Probably.

REMEMBER THIS: Every single huge success story also includes colossal failures. WAY more failures than success. If those people viewed those failures as “bad luck” they would have dismissed the lesson learned. They would never have continued on to greatness. Those people took those “failures” and learned…changed…adapted…grew.

This is true for every goal: lose weight, get stronger, make more money, quit smoking, and any other New Year’s Resolution cliche.

So the question is this:

Are you offensive or defensive?
Pro active or reactionary?
Positive or negative?
Lucky or unlucky?

YOU ARE ALL OF THOSE!. You have to be. You are human. You CAN’T be purely “offensive” without being naive, you can’t be purely “pro-active” without ignoring possibilities, you can’t be “positive” all the time without sounding insincere, and you can’t be “lucky” all the time because shit happens.

It is your PERCEPTION of these realities that determine whether you are living your life or being a victim of life. Don’t be life’s whipping boy.

“Ok, great, Mr. Smarty Pants, but now what?”

  1. Recognize that you are failing because you are REALLY good at making excuses and justifying them with bullshit. If you want to do something, you can do it. Start here: An Argument for a Mid-Life Crisis.
  2. Understand “consequences” and “results” are the same thing. The only difference is in your attitude and perspective. If you do positive things…good things…most of the time, you will get a positive result. If you get a negative result, it’s still a result. Learn from it.
  3. Shit happens. Not because God hates you, not because of bad luck, not because you were a dick in your past life; Shit just happens. Accept the shit and move on.
  4. Know that you are going to mess up. You will probably mess up real bad. Remember…YOU messed up. You did it to yourself. Own it. Move on. Do better.

“If you own your luck, you make it your bitch” –Me

An Argument for a Mid-Life Crisis

OH SHIT, I’M OLD!

Yea, it happens to the best of us. One day you crawl out of bed, your body cracking and groaning, do the slow shuffle into the bathroom and catch a glimpse of…your dad (or mom) in the mirror.
“SONUVABITCH!”

Like an 80’s movie montage your life flashes before your eyes. Where did my body go? Where did my dreams go? How did this happen? Why did this happen? Why is God angry at me? I already covered some of this here: 3 Things That Pussified You After 30

But guess what? Your freak-out is the first step to getting your shit back together.

Think a minute about how you progressed as a human being. For most of us it was a steady motion of moving forward, fucking up, learning, moving forward again. This starts when we are infants learning to walk. It gets more complicated as time goes on: athletics, academics, dating, working, marriage, parenting….then….you get complacent. You quit moving forward, to avoid having to fuck up, to avoid having to learn, to avoid having to move forward. Whether you do it intentionally or unconsciously, it happens. Learn more here: 3 Reasons You Fail & How to Fix It

So you’re done freaking out…now what?

1) Make a list 

Choose 5 things you want to change. These can be vague and general: “travel more,” “look better,” “read more,” etc. You really just want to identify some general changes. Do this without creating caveats. A lot of people will think of excuses why they CAN’T do something at almost the same time they think of what they want to do. This is probably what got you stuck in this mess in the first place.

2) Get specific

Break down your general list. If you want to travel, pick one place you really want to go. If you want to look better, pick a body fat percentage, or a clothing item to fit into. You get the point. Once again….no excuses. Just write it down.

3) Prioritize

Don’t list it by what is feasible. List it by what would make you happiest. STOP MAKING EXCUSES! You’re allowed to be selfish about this. These are YOUR goals and it’s YOUR happiness. One thing (especially women) tend to do is worry about taking care of everyone else’s needs. This is stupid. The greatest thing you can do is set an example of how to live a life of meaning. So do it.

4) Do it…Do it

Guess which one of these on your list you are going to start with? Good guess. Now comes the hard part; You actually have to do something. Monetary restrictions holds back a lot of dreams. I get this. However, I bet you spend money on stupid shit. Do you spend $5.00 a day on your stupid Grande Frappucino Mustachio Carmello Vanilla coffee with extra smug on top? Stop it. BOOM! I just saved you over $1500 a year to put toward your goal. I also probably just solved your dad-bod/mom-bod problem too.

5) Don’t be a stereotype

Yea, mid-life crises have some negative manifestations: cheating on your wife with the check-out girl at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, buying a motorcycle, getting glute implants, etc. are not cool. These are manifestations of a deeper hatred for your shitty life. Honestly though, if number one on your list is: “get glute implants,” maybe you and I should part ways. Oh, and stay the hell out of Bed, Bath, & Beyond!

If you are a younger man or woman and you’ve read this far, I am going to give you the key to success in life: re-invent yourself every 5-7 years. Sometimes this is as simple as buying a new wardrobe; Sometimes it’s as complicated as quitting a job and finding a new career.  Complacency is the killer of dreams, kids. The goal in life is to strive for something better every day. It doesn’t have to be monumental, but it has to be.

starsky

I HATE WORKING OUT

My confession: I hate working out. I’m over it. I’ve been lifting since 1989. That’s a long time to be sore.

I’ve done all the lifts. I’ve done all the programs. I’ve done all the protocols and systems. I even invented some along the way. I’m fucking tired.

So now I’m trying to determine why I still do it. I remember a friend of mine in marketing telling me, “People are most motivated by fear of loss”.
So, that’s the simple reason: I don’t want to lose what I spent most of my life trying to achieve. Though I’m not sure if I’m ok with just routine maintenance….just keeping the jalopy on the road. I would like to think I can still improve.

But it has to be more than fear of loss. It would be easy to justify quitting. Have you noticed the average 40+ male? I think I’m ahead of the game. I could quit working out and still be in better shape than anyone at my 30 year high school reunion.

So what is it that keeps me in the gym?

I HATE SELF-INFLICTED MEDIOCRITY! 99.999% of everything you do is a choice. Most people that aren’t sociopaths will instinctively choose things that society deems appropriate…wash your hands after you poop, don’t kill anyone, don’t beat your kids or pets, etc. These are rules we follow to get along with other human beings. But what about the less obvious choices that either make us better or keep us in a mire of self-loathing?

You get up, you follow all rules of hygiene, you don’t kill anyone or beat your kids or pets…so far so good. Then you CHOOSE to eat a half-dozen donuts…you didn’t have to eat something crappy…you CHOSE to. Then you feel like shit, you make excuses…”didn’t have time, blah blah”….BULLSHIT. Not having time for a good meal is still a choice…you fucked up way before you realized you fucked up. This becomes a pattern. You have CHOSEN mediocrity. Which is cool if that’s what you want. But don’t complain about it, because this is what you have chosen. It’s YOUR fault. YOU fucked up. YOU are to blame.

I refuse to be the catalyst for my own demise.
Is skipping a workout more comfortable? Yes.
Is eating shitty food easier? Yes.
Is giving up easy? Yes.
Do I want to wake up in 10 years and wonder why I look and feel like crap? NO.

So, here is my (very) basic plan for not accidentally on purpose waking up a hot mess:

1)Schedule your workouts like it’s a priority  The key to this is to be honest and realistic. Don’t schedule 2-a-days knowing that it’s damn near impossible. I lift 3 days a week for 60 minutes, and do 1 day of metabolic training. That’s it. I get in, work hard, move on. You may need to find a workout buddy to keep you on track. Or hire a personal trainer to keep you on schedule. Or just quit being a pussy by making excuses.

2)Schedule your food  Know what and when you are going to eat the day before. Even if you plan on eating crap, write it down. Now you OWN it. It’s a choice. You can’t say “it was an accident”. You will eventually notice it’s just as easy to eat healthy than it is to eat poorly. I’m not saying you have to eat “perfect” every day (whatever that is). What I’m saying is that you need to own up to your choices.

3)Schedule your fun  By far, this is where people fuck up the most. I know, you’re like “but, Ethan, I want it to be spontaneous.”  Fuck that. You can’t handle spontaneous. Spontaneous takes resources and time you probably don’t have. I know about 2 people that can have spontaneous fun. They have a shit-ton of money. Like, buying a Lamborghini with cash kind of money. You don’t have that. If you do, send me a private message. You will find that you will spend more time thinking about how to enjoy yourself and your family. More importantly, you won’t fill that time with other BS.

4)Surround yourself with like-minded bad-asses  If your friends suck, you will suck too. This has been proven scientifically and sociologically. Find some people that share your same vision and goals; People that will make you feel guilty when you make the wrong choice. Unfortunately, this means getting rid of the ass-anchors that hold you down. Or at least learning to ignore them.

5)Know your goals  How can you possibly make wise choices that will advance you to greatness if you don’t even know what that greatness is? This is why I still lift even though I don’t enjoy it like I used to. It fits with my goals. Most people have seen my “success flow chart”. If not, here it is:

success flow chart

No, it’s not always that simple. But most of the time it is.

I’m obviously no guru or master of anything (I’d be the one buying Lambos with cash), but I know this: life is all about choices, and sometimes choosing the things you NEED to do rather than the things you WANT to do puts you in a better situation than you would ever plan (or not plan) to be in.

 

 

3 Reasons You Fail (and How to Fix It)

I’m not going to pretend that I succeed at everything I do; That’s ridiculous. However, I keep getting reminded that I might be doing things right: My job makes me happy. I have a hot wife. My son is not an asshole. I vacation to fun places. I’m in the best shape of my life. And I get to train jiu-jitsu with some of the coolest guys on the planet.

So, I may not be the richest or the most powerful guy on the planet, but I might know a thing or two about success (and consequently failure). So here are some of my observations on why other people can’t seem to get their shit together (and some ideas on how to deal with it).

1) You Fear Success  This is very real. Have you found yourself on the verge of success, then things start going wrong? You get easily agitated, you start making dumb decisions, you procrastinate on decisions that lead to success, “other people” are trying to sabotage you. Does this seem to happen over and over again?  We are taught that fear is negative, so we tend to ignore it. Then it manifests itself in stupid ways. Then we fail. This is failure loop and you might be in one right now.

2) Your Goal is Wrong  Your failure may be irrelevant. You might be choosing the wrong goal. I see this a lot as a personal trainer. People choose goals that are divergent from what they ACTUALLY want. Do you want to lose weight or do you want to feel great in a bikini? Sometimes those are 2 different paths.

3) You Don’t Actually Deserve it  You might be failing because you think success is OWED to you. It’s NOT. One of my favorite quotes is, “the harder I work, the luckier I get”. Damn right.
I understand that some people get success they don’t deserve. In England they call them Royals. In America we call them Kardashians. Guess what? You ain’t a Royal OR a Kardashian.

SO NOW WHAT?

OWN AND CONQUER YOUR FEAR  Success is complicated. Failure is not. But it is still just a series of choices that leads to one or the other. Retired MMA Fighter/TV Personality Chael Sonnen has a great quote regarding this:

“They’ll tell you failure is not an option. That is ridiculous. Failure is always an option. Failure is the most readily available option at all times, but it’s a choice. You can choose to fail or you can choose to succeed.”

The first thing you have to do is acknowledge fear. Fear is not weakness. Fear can be a great motivator. Yes, success means more pressure and demands. It puts you in a place to be scrutinized and criticized.

Fuck it. Someone’s gonna succeed, it might as well be you.

haters gonna hate

Another reason people fear success is because they think it will change their identity. Yea, it probably will. Guess what? That’s the point. It’s still YOU, it’s just a YOU with a better body, or more money, a better job, or whatever your goal is.

SCREW YOUR GOAL…IT’S LAME  What is it that you REALLY want. Focus more on your DREAMS. Most people’s goals are related to health or finance. This can cause them to be dictated by other people’s definition of success, which means there are no personal feelings associated with the goal.  Saying “I want to lose 20 pounds” doesn’t have the same personal connection as “I want to be able to wear a swimsuit and feel comfortable and confident.” This kind of goal can have a lot more to it than just losing some weight. Once you figure out what it is that you REALLY want, you can focus on the details. Until then, you will continue to chase success and fail.

YOU HAVE TO WORK, NOT JUST SUFFER   Have you really worked for it or have you just suffered as a victim for so long that you think you DESERVE it? There is a huge difference. No one OWES you shit. You either go get it or you don’t. Suffering does not equal DOING something. Suffering is something that happens TO you. So quit yer bitchin’ and go make something happen. Some things take a lot of work and a lot of time. Yes, you can fail. You can fail A LOT. But don’t treat yourself like a victim for failing. You failed because you need to learn something you haven’t learned yet. So learn the lesson, blame only yourself, and move upward.success flow chart